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“The only difference between friends and lovers is about four minutes.”
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“Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is out of your price range.”
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“I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection. She pulled a switchblade on me.”
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“They say God has existed from the beginning of time and will exist beyond the end of time. Can you imagine trying to sit through his home movies?”
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“I once dated a girl on the track team. It didn't work out. She kept giving me the runaround.”
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“I only date stewardesses. Or maybe it just seems that way. Women always seem to be showing me the exits.”
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“What's the most popular pastime in America? Autoeroticism, hands down.”
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“I'm a terrible lover. I've actually given a woman an anti-climax.”
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“There's only one thing wrong with wife swapping. You get another wife.”
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“Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It was so poorly made, ants were laughing at it.”
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