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“The wise and intelligent are coming belatedly to realize that alcohol, and not the dog, is man's best friend. Rover is taking a beating -- and he should.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)

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“Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and answer to, all of life's problems.” The Simpsons
dmg Matt Groening quotes (American Cartoonist, creator of The Simpsons. b.1954) Character: Homer Simpson quotes. TV Show: The Simpsons quotes
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“It was a woman who drove me to drink -- and, you know, I never even thanked her.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“If you're a real good kid, I'll give you a piggy-back ride on a buzz-saw.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“I was married once -- in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“We frequently hear of people dying from too much drinking . . . that this happens is a matter of record. But the blame almost always is placed on whiskey. Why this should be I never could understand. You can die from drinking too much of anything. . . .”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink it.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“I must have a drink of breakfast.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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