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“No one likes a fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)

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“Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.)”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“I have been asked if I ever get the DTs; I don't know; it's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“You can't cheat an honest man. He has to have larceny in his heart in the first place.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“If you're a real good kid, I'll give you a piggy-back ride on a buzz-saw.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“I was married once -- in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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