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“My first rule of consumerism is never to buy anything you can't make your children carry.”
Bill Bryson quotes (American Writer, b.1946)

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“If you can imagine a man having a vasectomy without anesthetic to the sound of frantic sitar-playing, you will have some idea what popular Turkish music is like.”
Bill Bryson quotes (American Writer, b.1946)
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“And I find chopsticks frankly distressing. Am I alone in thinking it odd that a people ingenious enough to invent paper, gunpowder, kites and any number of other useful objects, and who have a noble history extending back 3,000 years haven't yet worked out that a pair of knitting needles is no way to capture food?”
Bill Bryson quotes (American Writer, b.1946)
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“He had the sort of face that makes you realize God does have a sense of humor.”
Bill Bryson quotes (American Writer, b.1946)
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“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you. . . . They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson quotes (American Writer, b.1946)
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“Among the many thousands of things that I have never been able to understand, one in particular stands out. That is the question of who was the first person who stood by a pile of sand and said, "You know, I bet if we took some of this and mixed it with a little potash and heated it, we could make a material that would be solid and yet transparent. We could call it glass." Call me obtuse, but you could stand me on a beach till the end of time and never would it occur to me to try to make it into windows.”
Bill Bryson quotes (American Writer, b.1946)
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“The average Southerner has the speech patterns of someone slipping in and out of consciousness. I can change my shoes and socks faster than most people in Mississippi can speak a sentence.”
Bill Bryson quotes (American Writer, b.1946)
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“I have long known that it is part of God's plan for me to spend a little time with each of the most stupid people on earth.”
Bill Bryson quotes (American Writer, b.1946)
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“More than 300 million people in the world speak English and the rest, it sometimes seems, try to.”
Bill Bryson quotes (American Writer, b.1946)
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“For a long time it puzzled me how something so expensive, so leading edge, could be so useless, and then it occurred to me that a computer is a stupid machine with the ability to do incredibly smart things, while computer programmers are smart people with the ability to do incredibly stupid things. They are, in short, a perfect match.”
Bill Bryson quotes (American Writer, b.1946)
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“There are things you just can't do in life. You can't beat the phone company, you can't make a waiter see you until he's ready to see you, and you can't go home again.”
Bill Bryson quotes (American Writer, b.1946)
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