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“Bob Dole is going to be appearing in a Pepsi commercial with Britney Spears. Yeah, apparently Dole says that if this doesn't cure his erectile dysfunction, nothing will.”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)

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“CBS news anchor Dan Rather has interviewed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. When asked what it was like to talk to a crazy man, Saddam said, 'It's not so bad.'”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
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“Tom Cruise's attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is gay. In a related story, Ricky Martin's attorney has been hospitalized for exhaustion.”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
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“The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said he'd like to help, but he's pretty sure that last time he checked, Canada had no army.”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
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“Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly.”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
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“In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit too low. However, there is lots of opposition from the plumber' union.”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
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“In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls. Reportedly, police didn't have any trouble catching the man because he was completely out of breath.”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
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“Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breast implants removed. Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her old implants are now dating Charlie Sheen.”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
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“Apparently the new high-tech Star Wars toys will be in stores any day now. The toys can talk and are interactive, so they can be easily distinguished from Star Wars fans.”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
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“Early on, they were timing my contract with an egg timer.”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
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“President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003. Isn't that amazing? Yes, and get this, not only that, President Bush signed a $10 million deal to read a book by 2003.”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
Similar Quotes. About: America and Americans quotes.
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